The start

Well Let me start by saying I'm a mother to 4 girls and live in California.
I'm at a point where I feel like if I give up it will solve all the problems but then again who amo fooling, I was not nor will I ever be a quitter.

This blog is mainly because I have a daughter who suffers from mental illness thus far she has only been diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD. I honestly feel as if there is more. I don't feel like any of my peers understand what I'm going through and some of those have stopped communicating with me all together because they think I didn't try hard enough nor did I attempt to exhaust all my other options.

Almost a year ago I found out my daughter was cutting. Like any mother I went into a panic mode I took her straight to the er, part of me wanted them to keep her. But after a few hours they sent us off and she said she would never do it again.

A few weeks later she had what we called a meltdown pretty much a big temper tantrum. This time was different like normal she hit me with the I hate you, I wish I were dead, and then it happened she charged me with her then 13 moth old sister in my arms. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I was gonna have to physically harm my child to protect myself.

I had to call the local authorities to help me. I felt I had no other choice. The officers that responded talked to her and told me kids will be kids. I was left so pissed of and as if she wouldn't learn if they didn't do something else. She left with her dad for the weekend and I eventually got over being so mad 😡 and angry and just let it all go.

Just a few days after she came home I had received her progress report and she was in danger of failing the 7th grade, prior to all of this she was told she needed to pull in passing grades or I was gonna switch her schools so that she would have less distractions and could focus on her school work. In this day I approached her calm and said hey we need to talk about these grades or I'm gonna switch your schools. She looked at me and as she thre her binder at the wall she said fuck you you stupid bitch!! I slapped her right accosted her cheek. That's and more would have been my punishment. I walked away upset and extremely mad because I was starting to see red. Before I could finish my first cup of coffee my live in boyfriend and I are having a conversation about what happened and she walks in and starts with her meltdown and how we don't love her and she hates us and if I really do switch her schools she was gonna kill her self. Then the books and pictures off the wall started flying at me. My boyfriend was able to restrain her at that point I was in fear of my other children's life. I called my mother and said come get her now before I call the ops and press charges I also explained what all had happened. My mom left work and took her to stay with her.

When I sent her to stay at my moms there was a different vibe in the house there was less tension and it felt lighter, weird but true. I still seen her on weekends for swim meets every once in a while she would come spend the evening or day and I would take her back home. My mom said I was making her feel like I didn't want her but I spoke with her I still financially supported. I attempted to spend one on one time with her but she would be extremely rude and short. Who wants to spend one on one time with somebody who is acting extremely rude, I have yet to meet anyone.

Now the process begins.....